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You Rejected Us for Having a .2oz Bird

19 October 2009

Dearest Chester,
Thank you for not offering us to live in your apartment building. You saved us the trouble of one, two, three or five years of deceit. We lied. We do smoke. We do play loud music. We do have raging parties.
I don't make as much money as I told you, and I haven't worked at my job for as long as I said. My boyfriend and I scream and chase each other around the house, we bang on the walls, we break windows during our fights. We have an egregiously loud parakeet/velociraptor.
My boyfriend is in fact not clean or organized, as I had led you to believe. He leaves wet towels on the ground and doesn't replace empty toilet paper rolls. He just rests the new toilet paper on top of the old roll, and it often falls to the ground (that he hasn't mopped in 3 years).
A 1/4 inch layer of mold covers all tile surfaces in our apartment. These kinds of hygienic tragedies would have caused your heart to stop.
By the way, you moved here from China 10 years ago- why the hell is your name Chester? And please, let your wife talk!
Back to the story. We found an apartment that is ten times better, and we couldn't be happier. Our bird can tweet all day long, we can romp/roll/scream/drink/smoke all we want. Sucka!
love, Rocknerd

http://rocknerd.wordpress.com/files/2009/10/img_1513.jpg" alt="new apartment" width="500" height="375" />

Dearest Chester

Thank you for not offering us to live in your apartment building. You saved us the trouble of one, two, three or five years of deceit. We lied. We do smoke. We do play loud music. We do have raging parties.

I don't make as much money as I told you, and I haven't worked at my job for as long as I said. My boyfriend and I scream and chase each other around the house, we bang on the walls, we break windows during our fights. We have an egregiously loud parakeet/velociraptor.

My boyfriend is in fact not clean or organized, as I had led you to believe. He leaves wet towels on the ground and doesn't replace empty toilet paper rolls. He just rests the new toilet paper on top of the old roll, and it often falls to the ground (that he hasn't mopped in 3 years).

A 1/4 inch layer of mold covers all tile surfaces in our apartment. These kinds of hygienic tragedies would have caused your heart to stop.
By the way, you moved here from China 10 years ago- why the hell is your name Chester? And please, let your wife talk!

Back to the story. We found an apartment that is ten times better, and we couldn't be happier. Our bird can tweet all day long, we can romp/roll/scream/drink/smoke all we want. Sucka!

love, Rocknerd

 

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